Tales from a Mid-Lifer

“If I Knew Then What I Know Now”

My grandmother’s words recently came to mind. She murmured this phrase frequently, with regret swelling her voice. I could hear the tone of wishing for another chance, to go back in time…

Is it a collective truth that every soul has a few regrets? That each of us wishes for a re-do in one or more areas, or would give anything to revise a past event?

To demonstrate confidence in a moment of time when we simply didn’t have it?

To work harder to keep a friendship we let slide?

To marry the right one?

The majority of regrets others have shared with me – and my own – happened when we were all young. Most during late teens-20’s. The deepest desires to go back and make better choices appear to correlate with youth.

I know a couple of very wise young adults. They are an anomaly.  

We make the most life-shaping, life-directing decisions during a period when we’re least equipped or experienced. Purposely seeking wisdom sits far behind scoring the best girlfriend/boyfriend and building careers.

As we grow and deal with the past regrets or do-over wishes, I wonder how many fully forgive themselves and are able to genuinely move forward? Without shame, resentment, bitterness and sometimes, depression.

We all know keeping the regretful moments on mental replay is unhealthy. Yet, people continue doing it. Retelling the same sad stories of who hurt you, in what month and which year, and if you only knew then what you know now… those people would get a piece of your mind!

This was my grandmother and subsequently my mother, who share(ed) the stories on repeat. I know their upsets by heart and struggle to recall their joys.

If we knew then what we know now, sure, we’d make some different choices. But, gripping tightly onto missed opportunities and former poor decisions leads to negativity. Fixating on the bad welcomes deep bitterness to take hold.

Overcoming these habits requires more than positive thinking and encouraging quotes on post-it notes. Both are useful, but reading God’s Word helps me most if I begin replaying a negative memory when I should have handled something differently.

King David and countless other Bible characters didn’t always get it right. Plenty in the Bible made more than a few stunningly terrible decisions. Life-altering, relationship-severing blunders.

God still made their lives purposeful. There were consequences, but the point is looking up again. Letting go and being free. Trusting. Finding joy by refocusing in the right direction.

Thank you for sharing your time with me today. Watching my youngest go through her pregnancy and anticipating the birth of my first grandchild soon, I’ve been thinking about my grandmother and my children’s grandmothers. That is what sparked this post.

Have a wonderful week!

Bird images: godlywaywisdom/Patricia Bjorkgren/Instagram