For several consecutive days, I washed and styled my hair, whitened my teeth and selected a soft outfit.
I was neatly arranging myself like I was prepping for a date with a special guy, and in a way, I was. All my fussing was in preparation to meet my first grandchild, wanting to be ready.
Not for a photo.
For my daughter. If she called that it was “go time” (she was in labor), I wanted to be able to jump in the car without having to tame my hair or find something presentable to wear. I cringed thinking of OB/GYN nurses tending to my daughter seeing the au naturel version of this soon-to-be-grandmother.
Looking back, my behavior wasn’t about vanity but uncertainty. When something in my life feels ambiguous, I start controlling what I can (lol) and I’m a 90% prepare-ahead-of-time gal. House was cleaned and a few meals were arranged. My appearance was simply another something I could control while waiting for something I couldn’t.
Beneath all my outward doing, internal feelings surfaced that I didn’t expect.
I watched my daughter’s belly grow for nine months, prayed over this baby, imagined him, already loved him, yet his impending arrival seemed surreal.
Was I really old enough to be a grandmother?
The blessing and privilege are undeniable but alongside was an unexpected struggle with the passing of time.
Was I in the season of life when I’m considered the older person in the room?
But then I caught sight of my neck in a mirror…
And there was the evidence of my aging body.
A few days into this mental loop, I laughed out loud in front of my skincare lineup, considering how sweet boy would only know he was loved. He wouldn’t care about my neck or lines around my eyes.
Someday, he might view my walls filled with gallery shots of the life I’ve built and point to the woman with long blonde hair asking, “who is that?”
Tears may sting my eyes while confirming it’s me.
His eyes might widen, head tilt to one side perplexed, but ultimately, he will shrug and hug me. He will be secure in the arms of this woman, not the young one in old photographs. The grandmother who loves unconditionally, shows up dependably.
Aging is divinely designed. We don’t just change physically, but for those choosing to, we also mature emotionally and spiritually.
Life is as it should be, yet, aging remains difficult to comprehend. After raising three children, I am well-versed with the long days leading to short years, but becoming a grandparent is transformative. This feels weightier than a milestone birthday.
Ultimately, the call we “planned for” arrived at 2am, when my hair was a disaster, the carefully selected outfit irrelevant and all I had time for was brushing my teeth.
Of course it did.
Isn’t that often how the story goes? We make definitive plans, arrange and govern what we can, and then God reminds us Who is really in control.
We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps (Proverbs 16:9).
Thank you for sharing your time with me today!🤍 It’s been a whirlwind since our grandson’s birth in September, several October birthday celebrations already this month and continuous visitors. All good things🙌🏻 – and I wish the same for you throughout this autumn season: all good things!🍁
Featured image: family5power.com – my husband’s hand holding our grandson’s tiny foot!
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