Stuffing People in Boxes

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I stood in the produce aisle at a Manhattan grocery store when a man I’d not seen in ten years approached me. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, somehow landing upon the random topic of yoga.

I mentioned how yoga has helped strengthen my back, and I try not to miss a day. He rudely blurted, “You are a Christian. How can you do yoga? You do know it’s Hinduism, right?”

My once-upon-a-time-sharp-tongue held back fiery words that instantly jumped to mind: “Before questioning my faith, you might want to read the Bible and see if you can reconcile your alternative lifestyle to God’s teachings.” I would have delivered it with a hard stare and wide smile. And, that would have made me exactly like him: foolish.  

Later that night, I shook my head in disbelief. This was someone I’d met four times in my entire life who felt comfortable judging based upon my workout routine. While I could pontificate about him in particular, I more broadly considered the ways we box people up.

We categorize and label. We learn one thing and identify the whole person as such. I started thinking about several assumptions I’ve heard in the last year…

  • If a person supports one policy of a political party, they must support all of that political party’s actions.
  • If an individual disagrees with one of your values, they must not share any of your values.    
  • If Mom works full time outside the home, her kids are neglected.
  • If Mom rears her children full-time, she must not be that accomplished or smart.
  • Blue collar workers just fix stuff. White collar workers only care about money.

Why do we assume the welder doesn’t spend his nights reading Tolstoy? Why do we assume the corporate jet setter can’t install a screen door?

Good or bad, we zero in on one WordPress, Instagram or Facebook post and lay a sticker on the forehead of the person for life. Since most of us are multi-dimensional, often interesting folks in our own right, generalizing seems imprudent. Limiting. Alienating.

After I gave the grocery man and this subsequent people-boxing concept fifteen minutes of thought, I concluded with resolve to continue avoiding this behavior. Lord knows I’ve done my share of judging in the past and have thankfully been humbled on occasion.

Of course, discernment is wise, and judging a book by its cover isn’t always a bad idea. The outside often represents the inside. But it’s good to question why we’re limiting a multifaceted, intricate human to one category. Envy, fear and establishing ourselves as superior in that particular category are often top ‘why’ contenders.

Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. Bob Marley

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47 responses to “Stuffing People in Boxes”

  1. Terry Avatar

    Thank you for this thought provoking piece.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Thank you for reading, Terry. I appreciate your comment that you found it thought provoking.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar

    Excellent post to start a Monday. It reminds me of when someone told me they can’t practice gratitude because they didn’t believe in Any deity

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      That must’ve been quite a moment listening to that statement. I’m not sure if I find it absurd or deeply sad. Perhaps both.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar

        I know! Sad

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Anne Mehrling Avatar

    I don’t know that I jump to conclusions quite as quickly as many others, but this was a wake up call for me. I am going to be watching my assumptions, starting now. Thank you for writing about putting people in boxes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Anne, something tells me you already approach people and engage in conversations quite thoughtfully🤍. I am happy the post resonated with you. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Anne Mehrling Avatar

        I love people and expect to like them over 99% of the time. Once in a while I meet a person who is as bristly as a porcupine, and I would be tempted to put him in a box with other nasty people. I must remember to give him a fair chance.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

          That is a wonderful approach.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Terry Avatar

    Thank you for a great read. It was very timely for me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      I am glad and I appreciate you sharing about its timeliness for you-thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Mary K. Doyle Avatar

    I’ve heard this statement and others, as well, MLM. My reaction is to put people who make such comments in their own category, one I prefer not to associate with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      I like your approach. I agree that lines/boundaries need to be drawn and disassociating is the wise move.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Jacqui Murray Avatar

    You’ve said a mouthful.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      😄

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Tom Avatar

    This is an interesting post, MLM. After accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior through faith alone in 1983, I hooked up with an independent fundamental Baptist church in our area that leaned very heavily towards legalism and judgmentalism. Everyone was eager, like the person at the grocery, to police everyone else. Christians must follow Scripture and the leading and conviction of the Holy Spirit and use discernment in all things. Some fellow believers would criticize me for reviewing comics books on my second blog, but I believe secular “minor narratives” of good vs. evil point to the ultimate good vs. evil meta-narrative, the Bible.
    I dabbled in yoga and transcendental meditation before accepting Christ. There are benefits to both that I experienced and can attest to. I also realize both are rooted in Hinduism. Can a believer practice yoga and TM at a basic level without being drawn into the religious aspect? Probably so, but discernment and wisdom are needed. Back when I started out as a new believer 40+ years ago, watching Hollywood movies or listening to popular music (especially rock ‘n’ roll) was verboten. That’s been relaxed quite a bit within church culture, but wisdom and discernment are still needed. Some believers should stay away from Netflix altogether. And it would undoubtedly be best for believers to avoid “death metal” and explicit rap. But I would rather emphasize the dos than the don’ts. If we’re doing the dos faithfully, the Holy Spirit will let us know what’s a don’t for each of us individually.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Whew, there is a lot to unpack here! I appreciate your comments in several aspects. One being about those who like to “police” other people’s activities. Very frustrating when they are not working on the logs in their own eyes. I agree that the Holy Spirit will lead those who are genuinely following the Lord.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. believe4147 Avatar

    Good reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      For all of us. Thank you for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Cindy Georgakas Avatar

    I love this MLM.. Great picture and I rather liked your would have been response and admire your mindfulness. Loved all you said and kudos to you for knowing your own mind and I agree with Mary. I like to say next and hello and goodbye.. lol 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Thank you for the thoughtful comments, Cindy. I agree it’s important to keep clear of the negative judgers!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Cindy Georgakas Avatar

        You’re so very welcome!!! YES!!!! 👏

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Ann Coleman Avatar

    This was such a great post! I also struggle with how we tend to “put people in boxes,” because the truth is, so very few people fit into those boxes. But when we don’t bother to get to know them we don’t realize it. Blanket generalizations, snap judgments, and in general buying into the whole “them and us” mentality isn’t good for any of us. Thanks for pointing that out so eloquently!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      The “them and us” boxes are so common! I agree that few fit into one proverbial box, reducing a person to less-than in every other aspect. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hazel Avatar

    It’s better to respect than to judge. His behavior speaks to him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Beautifully said, Hazel. Thank you kindly for the comment🩵.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hazel Avatar

        You’re most welcome, Mama. Have a fabulous day as you are!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

          💕

          Liked by 1 person

  12. Mama's Empty Nest Avatar

    Wow, you nailed this one. As hard as we might try not to do so, we still can find ourselves boxing people into categories. Wisdom and discernment comes from allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our words and actions, doesn’t it? When I realize a tendency in myself to put someone in this or that box, I need to remind myself “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      That is the scripture I try to remember when I do the same thing. In this wild world, Holy Spirit discernment is imperative.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Michele Lee Avatar

    Excellent essay. Thank you. Many things to highlight – here are two:

    You reminded me of wanting to teach a dance class, years ago, at a nearby church that I attended. The dance style incorporates yoga elements, especially in the warm-up. I was told no because of the inclusion of yoga.

    “Why do we assume the welder doesn’t spend his nights reading Tolstoy?” 👏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Thank you, Michele. Sounds like your motivation was similar to mine: exercise. In my case, the humorous irony was the individual judging.
      The welder, the waitress with a PhD, etc., you never know!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Michele Lee Avatar

        No, you never know and most of us are more similar, than different. Making a living, taking care of families, ourselves, enjoying hobbies, doing our best… Thank you. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

          Well-said and I agree about our similarities💕. Thank YOU for the insightful comments!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Michele Lee Avatar

            🙏🏻💕

            Liked by 1 person

  14. JanBeek Avatar

    Excellent post. Yes, we do have a tendency to box people into categories. Need to stop that!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Thank you. It’s easy to fall into. You’re right that we need to be aware!

      Like

  15. Amy Avatar

    Well said …

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      I’m so glad you liked the post. Thank you for reading and for your comment🤍.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Baby butterflies and coffee Avatar

    So well said.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      Thank you.

      Like

  17. Lisa R. Howeler Avatar

    Oh I am certainly guilty of this. I also received the lecture about using yoga stretches to help my chronic pain. I recommended in a group run by a Christian woman that another poster try yoga stretches and received a strongly-worded reprimand about me recommending movements that invite evil spirits in.

    Sigh. Sometimes it’s all so exhausting. The political party one is definitely one that I’ve had to repeatedly remind myself of.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      I’m sorry you had that experience. The judgement is amazing. Thankfully, we answer to Him alone and He knows our devotion to Him. I agree with you… it’s exhausting!🙃 Thank you for your thoughtful comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. ortensia Avatar

    Amen!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      🙌🏻🙌🏻Glad you could relate!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. MrWright69 Avatar

    Now I like this made me think about why i stay to myself. People are so quick to judge. Well said

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mid-Life Mama Avatar

      I’m glad it resonated with you. Thank you for visiting!

      Liked by 1 person

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