Tales from a Mid-Lifer

When I was out of town, my son and his fiancée stopped at the house to pick up old family videos. I’m sure they thought it would be fun to see my son as a toddler, running the coastline in a swim diaper while on vacation. Before I could even ask how they enjoyed the trip down memory lane, my son blurted out, “Mom! You were soooo young in those videos! Like you were moving so fast!”

Huh?  

My son continues: “After a while, we just skipped through us kids and stopped the videos to watch you and Dad talk and move.” There was that word ‘move’ again.

I’ve written previously about how I’m a recovered type-A, highly productive person and learned slowly how not to be busy. My son just turned 28, so the child has seen his mother move!

“I wish I knew you young!” he continues.

“It was sad to watch. Like you never thought you’d be in your 50s someday, right? Like 20 years have passed Mom!”

Good grief will he ever stop talking? I think to myself as he tells me about Disney and the coastal trips and watching my husband and I manage three kids under the age of two.

In more thoughtful terms, I agree there was something sad about reflecting upon the passage of time.

Of course, we are blessed in countless ways. But, mid-life can be sobering, when the kids move out and you have a hot minute to reflect…

Much of my life and maybe yours too has been routine. Gettin’ it done. The dishes, meals, holidays, birthdays, sports, volunteering, work, etc., all that family life requires. The truth is, children are blessed by routine. Knowing what to expect strengthens their foundation – everything from Mom and Dad being dependable, steady, trustworthy – to the hum of the washing machine, dryer and dishwasher…creating the rhythms of home.

As my son’s words loitered in my head for days, I agreed it would be great if the kids could see us beyond still photos… live in our 20’s through their now 20-something eyes. Not because my neck was smoother, but because my attitude was unworn.

I felt fresh in the mornings, despite babies throwing up half the night. I expected good – from people, circumstances and the future. Being excellent at many things was easier.

I suppose it’s not unique to become a bit more serious with age. I could spin this post by using words like mid-life makes me more retrospective, reflective, introspective. Also true. But I’ve been sobered when people surprisingly disappoint. When circumstances become difficult. The future is shorter than it was thirty years ago.

Watching beloved friends fight disease, unexpectedly some situations becoming complex and recently experiencing my own minor physical effects of mid-life all feel gloomy like this endless winter.

If you interviewed my adult kids, they would pull up fairly recent videos on their phones demonstrating my silliness and quirky moments they love to capture. So maybe my less-enthusiastic attitude is (hopefully) more in my head than theirs.

Feeling melancholy happens to everyone at some point or another. I’ve been spending time reminding myself of the truths that cure downheartedness. I’m thankful that disappointments and circumstances don’t dictate God’s goodness. I am to walk by faith-not by how I ‘feel’. I’m expected to patiently endure and not grow weary knowing I achieve victory through faith.

My son can’t know me young-at least not ‘live and in person’. Through photos and videos, he’ll see parents that changed and grew. God willing, he’ll know we ran a good race, plowing through the hard stuff, remaining relatively joy-filled despite times here and there that feel like a bummer.

Sure, circumstances can sometimes be better, but they can always be worse. People are truly suffering.

I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world. John 16:33MSG

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