Tales from a Mid-Lifer

“I’m not really this person, letting my wife make the real money while I sit here 15 hours a day, seven days a week.” A once-vibrant professional and just-turned 40 entrepreneur/Dad says this to me fifteen years ago. “In my head, I’m back in a suit, important at work and getting to the gym.” He yanks elastic waist sweats, slightly hunched in the black home-office chair. Complete chaos and mess surrounds us, family life of toddler sneakers and backpacks laying atop strewn papers, cardboard boxes and computers representing the business.

I could relate, but as a stay-at-home Mom. Taking a year off from teaching even one class when my three were in elementary school, we spoke from experience about how society viewed us. The entrepreneur: “Until you show a profit, you’re nothing but a dreamer. Stupid for leaving the regular paycheck.” My female-version of agreement: “Unless you are dressed up, made up, and at work, people see you as irrelevant, assuming you have nothing to contribute outside of diaper chatter.”

Whether personal pride is set aside to build a company or careers are stalled during the child rearing years, sacrifice is involved. The truth is, the first generation to attend university, to start a small business, to stretch beyond the bare food-water-clothing survival of previous familial ancestry requires sacrifice. Sacrifice takes many forms. The first in a strong atheistic lineage to believe Christ died for them often includes sacrifice of family respect.

There is also a scrappiness to the first “progressors”. Scrappy in business alludes to being hungry for success, willing to work harder and longer than most to attain the goal in your head. Building anything new often necessitates speaking bluntly and honestly. Sometimes those blazing the new path must add force to their speech, having nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It’s the subsequent generation that reaps the benefit, permitting them to use more graceful speech, operate in life at a slower pace and purchase ease afforded by those ahead of them. Even though the scripture is referring to harvesters of souls, John 4:37-38 comes to mind. “For in this case the saying is true, ‘One [person] sows and another reaps.’ I sent you to reap [a crop] for which you have not worked. Others have worked and you have been privileged to reap the results of their work.”AMP

For some pioneers, the “sacrifice” is merely acting appropriately, controlling your tongue and treating others respectfully when you learned the exact opposite behavior throughout your childhood. Intentionally not doing what comes easiest, but deliberately choosing what takes effort. Your children automatically have improved lives because of your simple decent behavior toward mankind. Your example matters – you are a success story. Self-discipline is part of sacrifice.

For others, giving up the comfort of familiar towns and people to relocate for a generation-improving career move is a major sacrifice. It’s often those with strong families and/or community with others who launch somewhere else while those dying to get away from their dysfunctional history get stuck. Coincidence? Those with support usually soar higher – not always, but often.

If you’re in the “stuck” category, take note that some of the happiest people and/or most successful stories are lived by those with unsupportive families. Sometimes, that’s a driving force all on its own. The progressor keeps his eyes forward, unwilling to be brought down by those expending significant effort to do so. Shake off their insistence that you’re unqualified or too old. Mental toughness and self-discipline are ageless.    

The years have ticked away and I recently caught up with the once aspiring entrepreneur. His company slowly became so profitable, they could afford health insurance on their own and his wife quit her job to work alongside him. They now operate a high-producing, financially sound company that will provide future generations debt-free educations and jobs for all who want to be a part of his ever-growing empire.

Even if his company had failed back then (or even now) and he returned to the daily grind of corporate life, he would still be someone who built something. Financial failure doesn’t equal complete failure. The business attempt alone made him more interesting and an inspiration just because he tried.

Long marriages, good parenting, building decent things…take sacrifice. Whatever your sacrifice, present or past, it matters for someone.

“The successful among us delay gratification.” “The successful sacrifice.” Jordan B. Peterson

Progression will make stagnant people uncomfortable. You could be the nicest person, but if you are progressing, you will have enemies. With every level of elevation, there will be opposition. TheMindsJournal